So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
