you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
