Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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