Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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