he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
