wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
