Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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