out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
