I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
