What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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