I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The best revenge is premature balding
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
