Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
