Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
