Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
