Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
