we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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