Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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