even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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