Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
