Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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