My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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