Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
