dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
