haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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