i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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