my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
