Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
