If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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