just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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