We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
