i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
