Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
