I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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