I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
