we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
