dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize