I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
