Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
