I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
