My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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