I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
