Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
