I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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