We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
