The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
