I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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