just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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