I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
