Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
