my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
