Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
