I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
third nipple confirmed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
