I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
