i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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