okay pat passed out under dana's car
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize