I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
