woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
