which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
