im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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