Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
