wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
