i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
