If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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