Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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