So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
