Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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