eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
