He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i want to swaddle you in tequila
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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