Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
