2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
