I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
