OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
