he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
