i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
