I'm gonna have a badass scar
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize