i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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