WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's always time for handjobs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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