so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize