i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
